I am an IDIOT

Seriously, I want to edit or at least make comments about my journal from when I was in Tunisia, but I don't want to mar the "record". I haven't been doing much other writing, just inputting the journal, inputting my old writings, and writing about my kids... but I thiink I'm going to use this as a place to vent about my idiot 18 year old, self-important, overly-hormonal self.

I was full of self-pretention, apparently. I thought I was being good, kind and helpful, but while reading some of these entries, I fell like I was kind snobbish & stuck up - not to mention seriously after a girlfriend. Let me quote:

8/22/88 "Michelle talks. And Talks. Doesn’t quite know when to stop or know exactly what kind of input to contribute to a conversation."

"I somehow ended up leading the conversation on the way to the Post. Sig was quiet at the time, feeling out the situation, speaking only when spoken to. Michelle was saying many things, mostly irrelevant. Scott talked a little more than Sig, but I was doing all the relevant questions and talking. God, I felt needed. Brad was right about me. He told me I make friends easily and 'everyone' knows who I am in 'any, group. It feels good to bring people closer together and closer to themselves."

8/27/88 "I seriously wish I had someone to talk to, a person who understands what I’m saying. Most of the other AFSers would, but some wouldn’t. Amy seems too superficial and Michelle, well, she’s Michelle."


9/5/88 "I guess I am now the 'leader' -> spokesperson of the whole group, I always ask the questions and answer the q’s asked. I’m also the class clown & taskmaster general of game time."

"J. is my co-leader, but we really don’t know how we got or jobs. Ali tells me (us sometimes) what to do, where to tell the others to go, etc. Bought us cokes, ate dinner with us."

"POLAR BEAR!! What power. The entire place is trying to figure it out."

9/6/88 "We ate & made a 'Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Club' with Ali as the “head honcho”. We get cold water, the best meats, etc. It’s great!"


As for hormones, besides pining over one person a LOT (at least in these first few entries, we have things such as (though to be fair, I didn't realize that Europpean women were much less conservative than those in the US):

9/5/88 "What a View.
"AVI (from Switzerland [?] -> no, Greenland) is one of the 4 girls who volunteered to stay in with the guys’ dorm room (there weren’t enuff beds in the girls’).
"Anyway, it’s 1 AM, she’s just wearing a skimpy top; AND –almost-see-through panties. She just got off her bed (across from mine) & turned around. She bent over to look for something, and… shit.
"Needless to say, she’s not bad looking.
"Sweeeeeeet Dreeeeeeeams."

Sigh. If I need to rant about my younger PITA self, I'll use this blog.